


Interlude: Having Conquered Troy

by shapechanger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor, Remus and Sirius are troublemakers, Umbridge Bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 14:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7512073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shapechanger/pseuds/shapechanger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five days of ongoing surveillance, and only one brief glimpse of Thorfinn Rowle, necessitates that Remus and Tonks remain on duty. After Tonks is put through the ordeal of an extended ability screening at the Ministry of Magic, Remus has yet another reason to bear a grudge against Dolores Umbridge, and elects to do something about it, aided and abetted by Sirius.</p><p>[Extract/outtake from Such Deliberate Disguises.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interlude: Having Conquered Troy

It had been approximately five days since Remus and Tonks had begun their nightly duty of watching the supposed hiding place of Thorfinn Rowle. They had learned very little directly, except to be certain that the man was incredibly wary and far more subtle than Dolohov, who moved quite openly; they had caught only one glimpse of him for certain in that time. Though Tonks had identified him first, Remus had given second confirmation, and neither of them had ruled out the possibility of deception. Though more than once Tonks had sarcastically noted that her original joke concerning Exploding Snap was suddenly seeming less humorous and more of a viable option to get Rowle out in the open, she had remained focused on task.

Every night, she had donned a different appearance after meeting Remus, reaching into a range of options that she seemed to keep reflexively at the back of her head. The first evening she'd been a dark-haired, pale skinned woman who could easily have been mistaken for a pureblood raised in the old ways, wielding an air of easy hauteur that was nothing like Tonks at all. The second, a short, stocky figure with a rough haircut and ragged robes, gender not at all discernible beneath the apparent layers of dirt and the unnervingly wild eyes. Remus had almost begun to look forward to seeing what she'd come up with, and whether the night would necessitate him following from a distance in silence, or whether he’d be granted the opportunity to stand and talk with her for a while during the shift. Though Tonks' abilities naturally lent her an edge, Remus himself was capable of becoming a chameleon of sorts. He could shift his accent and blend his manners into whatever social situation that he happened upon, if he had to. His appearance wasn’t one that usually stuck to memory and he preferred it that way.

His thoughts were wandering because Tonks was uncharacteristically slightly late, which meant that she'd been held up by something at the Ministry. When she at last appeared next to him, it was with a hurried rearrangement of her robes that went with the agitated demeanour and the high colour on her cheeks. "Sorry, Remus, Dawlish held me up on my way out. I couldn't let him think I was in a particular hurry to be somewhere in case he got curious." Her hair was still slowly muting down from what had clearly been a bright shade of turquoise, lengthening slowly until it brushed her jawline in a simple brown shade. Dark eyes swiftly bled into blue, colour flowing like water, there was a sudden crunching noise of shifting bone and sinew and her expression went carefully blank, leaving her on eye level with him without warning. Another hurried wave of her wand lengthened the robes and adjusted them to compensate for the alteration. 

Remus wasn't given even a moment to process that she'd just done full bone restructure to her legs on the fly, _right in front of him_ , before she was pacing ahead to the spot that they'd been using as a convenient hiding space: a largely derelict building across the street, not quite opposite the house where Rowle was conducting his business. The dirty windows of the house reminded Remus of blind eyes, an uncomfortable distinction to draw, making him consider who might be watching who. _Surely she shouldn't be moving so immediately after restructuring? Even for a metamorphmagus, that ought to be painful, regardless of whether their nerves work differently or not, and doing it while standing can't have helped._ He didn't call after her, simply followed her path into the building, remaining out of full view of anyone who might be looking out, and took his established spot on the left-hand side of the archway of the first room on the ground floor. It meant that they were both sheltered and concealed from sight, but also gave them full view of Rowle's hiding place. As she took her post on the right-hand side, it was evident, at least to him, that she still wasn't fully settled, continuing to work on her appearance even as they stood there. Subtle though the changes were, her agitation only seemed to grow as her face moved from appearance to appearance and didn’t stop. Most would have found it unnerving. Remus didn't.

"What's wrong, Tonks?" The soft question came with obvious concern.

Blue eyes met his, the blur of shifts finally coming to a halt, and it was clear that for a moment she considered not giving him the full story, only telling him the bare minimum. It was a form of caution clearly carried over from whatever she'd had to deal with today. Tonks had never lied to him. 

There was a relenting in her expression as she muttered a sullen response. "I get a going over every so often, maybe once every six months? Because of my ability. Means I have to show people how it works and what I can and can't do." Her jaw tightened. "Umbridge changed the regulations, which meant that I was in there for an hour and a half longer than usual, and then Dawlish got in my way when I knew how important it was for me to get here quickly." She added quickly, seeing Remus' expression, "She wasn't actually there to administrate, though, or it might have been worse. Though I'd rather that than her being at the school."

Remus understood, then, all too well, far better than he wished to. Umbridge had been responsible for many of the laws that ensured that he was unable to get a full-time job in England any longer, not in the wizarding quarter. Her bigotry was the Ministry's worst-kept secret, used to justify discrimination at all levels if it proved to be convenient for those in higher level positions. There was little that Umbridge could do to Tonks professionally besides indirectly block her path to promotion; Tonks was far too valuable to the Aurors to simply be discarded, but there were other ways that she could make life difficult if the metamorphmagus was shown not to comply with standardised screenings of her ability. Disciplinary hearings, restrictions of access to information, supervisory changes, extended shifts in remote locations. He didn't reach out and try to touch her; he didn't know what the screening had involved and to touch her after such an occurrence would be invasive. It would be far too easy to be angry on Tonks' behalf, but she didn’t need anger, he could see that in the way that the lines of her shoulders were slumped. What she needed was someone who understood, an ally. "Is that why you were able to shift so quickly just now?" he asked, voice low and soothing. "You've never done bone restructure like that in front of me before. I know that it can be painful, but you moved as though you didn't feel a thing."

"It does hurt, at least if it's major restructure. They put my through my paces today." The simple acknowledgement was short, an indication that she didn't feel the need to pretty up the reality into something more appealing. "The minor stuff, like my face and the surface of my skin and so on, that doesn't hurt at all." She let out a laugh that held no real humour. "I suppose I don't really enjoy feeling like a Muggle laboratory rat, that's all."

 _And today, they must have had you changing for hours on end, kept you from leaving until they decided based on their contemptible box-ticking criteria that you were still fit for purpose._ Disgusted, Remus didn’t speak the thought out loud. It was unnecessary. He knew that the nervous system of a metamorphmagus worked slightly differently to that of an ordinary witch or wizard, or else morphing at all would have been agonising. Instead, a curious gesture followed her words. He lifted his wand and tapped it briefly to the inside of his wrist, then lowered his hand back to his side. Though he felt it as the name was spell-written on his arm, it was concealed by robes, invisible to other eyes if he happened to roll back his sleeves. Tonks had evidently observed the motion, but chosen not to comment upon it. "Not everyone thinks the way that you do, Tonks," he said, softly. "The world would be a better place if they did, kinder to those who don't fit society's expectations. Don't let somebody like Umbridge make you think less of yourself, not for a moment." Even as he said the words, he wondered if he was overstepping another boundary that he should have left between them, uncrossed.

When Tonks looked at him again, though, he watched as her shoulders seemed to loosen slightly and a small smile turned up the corners of her lips. "Thank you." The words were quiet, quieter than was characteristic of her, voice thin with a tiredness that he didn't think had anything to do with sleep. It made Remus quietly determined to do something concrete about the name etched temporarily against his skin. If not permanently, then at least enough to return fire for the woman standing next to him. Tonks, who didn't need a knight in shining armour, but might well appreciate disaster coincidentally befalling Dolores Umbridge just the same.

***

It was childish. He didn't have time to be angry on someone's behalf, or to deal with the possible consequences of indulging the anger.

He didn't give a single damn. Something was going to be done, and the hell with anyone else's disapproval.

"Pads?"

"Moony?"

"Are you up for planning some mayhem?"

"As though you have to ask, I'm bored out of my skull over here. Who's the target?"

"My _favourite_ person at the Ministry of Magic."

"What did the despicable bitch do this time? Was there something at Hogwarts? Do you want Snuffles to break into her house and scent-mark every available surface area?"

"Tempting as that is, no, and nothing to me personally. Let's just say she's caused some severe discomfort for a mutual friend of ours recently, and I'd like to ensure that she pays for her sins this time. Should distract her from the school a bit too. Think we can come up with something suitable?"

The downright diabolical grin on Sirius' face was all that Remus needed for an answer.

***

Remus said nothing the next evening when he and Tonks met after his discussion the previous night with Sirius, but there was a name demonstrably absent from his arm, and he stepped into motion as they began to cast security and soundproofing charms. After six days with no results, they needed to cloak themselves from detection more thoroughly. Remus hadn't waited long to put his plans into motion, aided and abetted by Sirius' encouragement. Juvenile they might have been in their choice of retribution, yet it had proven to be undeniably effective and an easy way to cause major inconvenience. Even better, what they'd done was undetectable, and with any luck, it'd also distract Umbridge from concentrating too deeply on matters at Hogwarts, a reminder that had further stoked his usually even temper. On top of what Tonks had had to endure, it was yet another good reason to cause trouble.

There was no way that blame could be traced back to Tonks. They were both completely innocent of all wrongdoing. Or, well, at least _one_ of them could actually say that truthfully in this instance, if questioned. The familiar twinkle seemed to have returned to Tonks' eyes, and the evidence of good humour went unexplained until she finally looked up at him and grinned. One of the many advantages of the added charms was that they could now speak more openly. "You should hear what was going around the rumour mill at the office today."

"Is it all about Savage's scandalous affair with Dawlish?" Remus asked dryly, a comment fully intended to make her laugh and it made him feel considerably lighter when it succeeded. "Because I have to say, they really should hide it better, Dawlish is a married man and his wife is terrifying."

"You're dreadful," she scolded, clearly not meaning the words in the slightest. "That's a horrifying mental image, by the way. But no, even better."

"Go on, enlighten me, you have my full attention."

"Well, Jabba the Hutt - that's what the Muggleborns in the office have taken to calling Umbridge, she still hasn't figured out why most people who get the joke were laughing when her back was turned before she left - apparently fire-called the Ministry from Scotland due to a mishap occurring at her house sometime this morning. Something about the entire plumbing system imploding due to a blockage and covering all of her belongings in, well, you can imagine." The evident glee in Tonks' voice was exactly the reaction that he had hoped for. "Apparently she demanded Ministry assistance for dealing with the problem, since she was woken by a fire-call in the small hours of the morning to deal with it. Oddly enough, the department responsible didn't seem to think this was too pressing, given that they were all apparently conveniently occupied elsewhere when she started screaming for assistance."

A broad grin spilled across Remus' lips from the second that Tonks said the words _Jabba the Hutt._ "What I want to know is how people got to Jabba the Hutt for a nickname, and who came up with it. I want to shake their hand."

"Oh, you know how it goes, office banter. The toad, the toad in the office, the toad in the hut, then some bright spark came out with Jabba the Hutt and that was pretty much the end of that. Does sort of restore my faith in the world a bit, though." She lifted an eyebrow at him. "Mostly I'm just shocked that you know Star Wars. You wouldn't happen to know what caused her misfortune, now, would you? You don't seem terribly surprised by any of what I just told you, which tends to look suspicious."

"Perhaps I simply think it's deserved. I don't usually wish misfortune upon others, but there are exceptions." Smirking in Tonks' direction, he looked away and refocused so that she wouldn’t see how badly he wanted to laugh, long and loud and victorious. "As for knowing Star Wars, I've spent more than half of my adult life working Muggle jobs to make ends meet. There'd be obvious problems if I didn't pick up at least some of the pop culture."

"I know you had something to do with it, Remus."

"I can neither confirm nor deny that assumption."

The sound of her attempt to suppress laughter made him thankful for the soundproofing and protection charms around them. When she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, the feeling that he'd conquered Troy or something equally ridiculous swept through his mind, and it was easy enough to decide that it had been worth it. Even the discomfort of hours on duty ahead of them and the continued concern of Umbridge's presence at Hogwarts couldn't shatter that. If nothing else, he'd put a smile on Tonks' face, given Sirius some occupation, and ensured that Umbridge would be distracted from matters at the school for a few days.

The lightness wouldn't last. It would soon be simply a glimpse of stars, surrounded by the continuing dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly childish, and perhaps a bit of a divergence from the main storyline, but this is for those who don't think Remus Lupin is capable of causing trouble. Some light humour to break things up, as it's only going to get heavier from here. Hope that at least someone out there enjoys it!


End file.
